Nearly eight years ago I asked President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo,  “I’m sure a lot of women are dying to ask you this question.”

“And since you are not a widow, they would like to ask you this question. You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but a lot of women are dying to know – do you still have sex?”

The 55-year-old mother of three replied  “Plenty” – and gave a toothy smile.

Last January 22, when she hosted a a surprise dinner for 23 officers and members of the Foreign Correspondents Association of the Philippines (FOCAP) I asked her a milder personal question about her hair. Now I’m not so sure if her reluctant reply pertained to my question eight years ago or two Fridays ago.

During the hour-long dinner, Mrs Arroyo was at her gracious best but she was not all that candid. I must say, it took all of our reportorial skills  to get her to talk about her former college student and now leading presidential contender Senator Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III. She refused to talk about her party’s presidential standard bearer Gilbert Teodoro or about her feelings towards the Ampatuans – her long-time allies now accused of murdering 57 people including 30 journalists.

The ease with which she talked to reporters vanished in 2005 when wiretapped tapes of her, suggesting she was trying to rig her 2004 poll victory by a million votes, leaked out.

During her dinner some of that ease returned as she talked about the presidential palace, her girlhood and her Palace chef. Only to vanish when she refused to answer many questions she deemed “political” or which asked about her “feelings”.

Still, the occasion gave me a momentary glimpse of the power and the pomp of the presidency, its lonely isolation, and the woman who was determined to hold on to it for as long as she could.

I did not get any hint she was ready to clear out her desk by June 30 when her term ends.

At short notice. An invitation to dine with her, even at several hours’ notice, was highly unusual and one I seized at a moment’s notice. She had not seen FOCAP since 2007. A press conference in 2008 was abruptly canceled after we were told she would only talk about the economy and would not entertain political questions.

I was curious why the President wanted to meet us on the same day she waved goodbye to the remains of her press secretary, Cerge Remonde.

Her terms for engaging the foreign press quickly became evident. At the entrance to the presidential palace, the guards impounded all tape recorders and cameras on orders of the palace media relations office. It was a first for many of the journalists, including me, who have covered Palace events in three previous presidencies.

The media handlers later explained that no tape recorders and cameras were allowed because it was a strictly social event. A Palace photographer would snap photos. The confiscation disoriented me somewhat because we were informed earlier that while there was no formal Q and A, the President “may answer questions”.

Didn’t she want to be quoted correctly? And it would have been bad manners for us to scribble throughout the meal.

It turned out alright in the end, because someone else, who asked to remain unnamed, enabled me to put together almost the entire dinner conversation. Besides, Mrs Arroyo never told us it was off the record.

No one was about as I walked across the vast circular driveway leading to the Palace entrance. Even with the lanterns and lights hanging from that one giant tree, it looked lonely.

At the ground floor Palace lobby, the only sign of Remonde’s wake were banks of expensive, heavy-smelling flowers.

Mrs Arroyo did not keep us waiting inside the elegant Ramos Music Room. Later she would tell us it was the same room her late mother, First Lady Eva Macapagal, used to receive Palace visitors when Diosdado Macapagal was president. So Mrs Arroyo tried to make it look the way it did then, right down to arranging the furniture.

A candidate for death. She came swiftly and quietly into the room and shook hands with each one of us. Mrs Arroyo was not like other top politicians I’ve met with whom I felt an instant, though momentary connection, when they shook hands and looked me in the eye. Presidents Fidel Ramos (with his trademark eye twinkle) and Joseph Estrada were like that.

But not President Arroyo – there was the touch and the cheery glance and the bright smile but there was no psychological dial tone. It’s her personality, I guess. Her former Assumption schoolmate once told me Mrs Arroyo did not invite friendships easily.

That Friday evening, she was dressed in mourning. Because she’s small (like me) and wore a stiff structured coat, the image of a Santa Niña dressed in black rose unbidden in my mind when I saw her. The coat was black with lace and discreet beadwork.

A huge pair of stud earrings with diamonds and colored gems made her otherwise solemn outfit pop.

To put us at ease, she engaged at once in small talk, telling us mostly about the aide who had just died on her. Remonde was “a candidate” for death, she said, being a heavy smoker and diabetic who lacked exercise and had all the risk factors. She rued the fact that he stayed up till the wee hours to write on  Facebook.

She said she was now telling her other cabinet members to quit smoking.

Then she invited us all to dinner. The long polished table was set for 24 with Noritake china, gold-rimmed and stamped with the presidential seal. During dinner, I asked curiously how old the service was.

She didn’t know, but she said the plates during her parents’ time were the same.

Thank God for the others, especially FOCAP president Jim Gomez And FOCAP executive director and founding member Gaby Tabuñar, who knew how to get the ball rolling with questions.

A delicious salad. I didn’t. So I concentrated on eating. The “toasted macadamia mesclun green salad” that began the five-course meal was delicious. It was aptly laced with “bitter sweet orange vinaigrette”- much like her relations with media.

Initially, there were awkward moments – of dead air – punctuated by the clatter of heavy silver spoons. This went on through the salad, the soup course of roasted bell pepper and main course of grilled Mahi-Mahi fish with lemon cream sauce, sauteed zucchini, carrots, cauliflower and broccoli. I found the fish a bit dry but that’s just me, spoiled by my husband’s cooking.

But the beef stew, a side dish, was delicious and not a few of us regretted taking only two pieces.

It was during the serving of the stew and straight on to the mocha parfait with strawberry coulis and fresh fruits that the awkwardness left.

She raised nearly one million people from extreme poverty. The initial questions were on the economy and Mrs Arroyo happily obliged. She told us that since she came to power in 2001 she was able to rescue 800,000 people from extreme poverty.

When she noted later in her recital of economic achievements that no one had questioned so far the country’s statistical indicators, Roel Landingin of Financial Times, who was seated far from her (the Palace had arranged the sitting with place cards), Roel piped up and said, “If you talk to Philip Medalla, the quality of national…”

Just as swiftly, Mrs Arroyo countered that Medalla was ex-President Joseph Estrada’s economic planning secretary. “In other words,” she said, “if it (statistics) is faulty, it’s consistently faulty. It’s not that you change the system today to make it look better than yesterday. If you’re gonnna do a time series, it’s still credible.”

Even if her voice did rise up a bit, there was no testiness. She sounded like a school professor arguing in class.

The hardest problem. Another FOCAP member wanted to know, “which problem was the hardest to slay?”

She replied -

Of course, poverty. Extreme poverty. The United Nations says we are on track on all Millennium Development Goals except two. But other nations are also not on track. Only Cuba was able to achieve universal primary education, almost all countries are failing except maybe Cuba.

She added that 58% of six year olds don’t enter school. She addressed this by removing the miscellaneous fees which parents could not afford and making primary schools accessible by providing transport and placing them near or inside villages.

AP reporter contradicts Arroyo. Another problem, she said, was maternal mortality which mostly happened with moms giving birth at home. This was addressed by promoting hospital births and equipping hospitals for simple surgery, including caesarian births.

At this point, the strapping and bearded Oliver Teves of Associated Press blurted out – “I’m a survivor of home delivery.”

As soon as the laughter died down, Mrs Arroyo was quick with a comeback: “Probably you had a qualified midwife.” She said she herself was born in St. Luke’s Hospital when this was still located in Manila.

To a question about her second childhood home in Iligan City, she said, “We already donated it to the city museum and they made it into a boutique hotel…My cousins had been opposing it. I said go ahead.”

“You just donated it?,” Jim Gomez asked.

“Ya,” she said. She recalled staying there continuously for about two years and then every summer and Christmas vacation “for about 5 more years. So seven years all in all.”

The chat meandered to the languages she spoke – French and Spanish, she said -  to English instruction in public schools; and prospects of the Philippine economy.

She said growth would continue this year. She noted that Tony Lopez of Biznews Asia (my former colleague in Asiaweek magazine) quoted to her Hans Sy of the SM Group as saying that “last year 2009 was their best year ever. There was a lot of consumption spending.”

I bit back a comment that perhaps it was due to all those residents having to refit homes flooded by two typhoons.

Malacañang looks so much better now. Then the conversation turned to the historic surroundings we found ourselves in. Dana Batnag of Jiji Press said, “Malacañang looks so much better now.”

She replied, “We didn’t renovate. We just repaired here and there. I guess, the housewife instinct comes out.”

Dana wanted to know if the Palace still looked the same as during her dad’s time. She said, “When (Ferdinand) Marcos had silver wedding anniversary, they had a very very big renovation. So it couldn’t be anymore like my dad. Some people went to see my mom to ask for advice how to go back in time. She said, ‘you’re going to spend too much money, to demolish things and things like that.”

Someone else wanted to know if Imelda Marcos’ disco at the top floor was still there. She said they had turned it to a “music hall” but kept the mirrors.

And your favorite room, asked another.

“My room,” she said.

What is it now?

“My daughter’s room.”

Is the soup still cold? Talk meandered to the downstairs kitchen and whether that made the soup cold as some guests complained before.

“I didn’t notice,” she said. “I don’t notice. Dodi (Limcaoco) did you notice? The kitchen has always been downstairs. There’s a small kitchen upstairs supposedly for family cooking but hardly anybody uses. it. Maybe for storing plates and glasses.”

Ellen Cruz of Tokyo Shimbun noted that Mrs Arroyo kept an executive chef.

“Yes,” she replied. She used to be her budget director at the vice-president’s office. When she became president, Mrs Arroyo wanted her at the budget department but she had studied culinary arts by then and said she wanted to be Palace chef.

“The budget (department) loves her. She’s very frugal, very orderly.The accounts are always in order, the inventory always in order. She’s applying what she knew.”

About Noynoy. Then Jim Gomez, veteran of interviews with the terrorist Abu Sayyaf, innocently asked her whether she was once a professor and was it at the Ateneo de Manila University she once taught in.

To get the flavor of the exchange, I am posting below the Q and A:

GMA: I started teaching 1976 up to 1987. all economics.

JIM: AND YOU REMEMBER NOYNOY AS STUDENT? HOW WAS HE AS STUDENT? (Laughter.)

GMA: No comment (quietly greeted by laughter) I’m into governance,not politics. (more laughter) until the last moment of my presidency.

FOCAP MEMBER: WAS HE IN THE SAME CLASS AS JOEY SALCEDA?

GMA: I think not.

ME: SENATOR NOYNOY TOLD ME HE GOT A B+ FROM YOU. IS THAT HIGH?

GMA: Yah, that’s high. That’s the top 20%. bec I drew a bell curve.

FOCAP MEMBER: WHAT’S THE HIGHEST GRADE YOU’VE GIVEN TO A STUDENT? WHAT’S THE LOWEST? (Laughter.)

FOCAP MEMBER: WHO GOT “A”?

GMA: Joey (Salceda, Albay governor).

FOCAP MEMBER: WERE YOU A KIND OR TERROR PROFESSOR?

GMA: I – different students have different memories of me. Some thought I’m a terror. Some thought I’m kind.

FOCAP MEMBER: MOST OF THE GRADES THAT YOU GIVE ARE B, C?
GMA: If I drew a bell curve, usually one gets an A; 20% gets B+; C+ is the one in the middle. No more than 20% gets a D. I try to – I don’t wanna fail students. If more than 20% get a D, then I’m the one at fault that I didn’t teach them well.

FOCAP MEMBER: IT’S STILL A PRACTICE FOR TEACHERS TO RATE THEMSELVES

GMA: Ya, but I don’t rate myself publicly.

After talk wandered to whether she used a blackberry (No, she uses a computer and it’s not a hobby) and about her speeches (the last version or draft is always hers, she said), Gabby Tabunar suddenly turned serious:

GABY: YOUR TERM IS ENDING ON JUNE 30. ANY REGRETS?

GMA: I’m not the type that thinks of those things. Me, what would I do between now and June 30, that’s what occupies my time. You cannot change the past so might as well move forward rather than wallow in regret.

GABY: WHAT WOULD BE THE PRIORITY BETWEEN NOW AND JUNE 30?

GMA: I told my cabinet members, let’s concentrate on the 3 “E”s – education, environment and economy. In my last SONA (State of the Nation address) I spend a lot of time on education. We have a presidential task force on engineering education headed by Father Nebres (of Ateneo). I think the issue of the test is addressed here also. Hopefully it can be presented to whoever will come in.

ROEL LANDINGIN: About campaigning in Pampanga, they used to recite poetry.

GMA: It was unique to my father and his opponent because they were classic Pampanga poets.

ROEL: SO YOU DON’T SEE YOURSELF. DO YOU KNOW ANY -

GMA: Any poems in Kapangpangan? No. I’ll read my father’s poems.

GABY: JUNE 30 IS WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO?

GMA: I’m looking forward to my work up to June 30.

GABY: AFTER THAT?

GMA: I’m looking at now until June 30. (Laughter) That’s what I’m concentrating on now.

GABY: CAN YOU BE OUR GUEST IN FOCAP?

GMA: I don’t know. I think you can invite the candidates.

FOCAP MEMBER: DO YOU THINK THE COUNTRY WILL BE IN SAFE HANDS AMONG ANY OF THOSE RUNNING?

GMA: No comment. (Laughter)

ME: HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING A DIARY?

GMA: No.

ME: Do you plan to write your autobiography?

GMA: Oh, I don’t know. I’d rather somebody else writes it.

FOCAP MEMBER: I DON’T SUPPOSE MAAM YOU’LL COMMENT ON POSSIBLE CHARGES AGAINST YOU

GMA: No comment.

MANNY MOGATO OF REUTERS: HOW CONFIDENT ARE YOU THAT GIBO WILL WIN?

GMA: No comment. I tell you I’m not talking politics tonight. I’m not going to talk about politics ever. Because there’s too much politics, so.

I found her statement odd, coming from one occupying the most highly politicized post. She only wanted to be held accountable for the economy but not for the political decisions of her presidency. Sad and tragic for the nation, I thought.

But I didn’t say so then. We were all guests trying not to bite the hand that was feeding us an elegant meal. But, I must confess, I was surprisingly enjoying the experience.

The talk then shifted to poll automation, which I wrote about in the previous entry. Please click on this to go to my previous post.

About the Ampatuans. And then to the prevailing gun culture and private armies.

FOCAP MEMBER: ASIDE FROM PRIVATE ARMIES, THE GUN CULTURE. FOR SOMEONE NEW IN THE COUNTRY, IT’S JUST STUNNING. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THAT?

GMA: As I’ve said, we’ve had a culture of violence for a very, very long time and we really have to put a stop to it.

FOCAP MEMBER: YOU YOURSELF ARE OVERWHELMED BY IT, IN MINDANAO?

GMA: I don’t know if the word is overwhelmed.

GABY TABUÑAR: ARE YOU EXTREMELY TROUBLED?

GMA: I don’t like the idea that there are private armies. I don’t like our cycle of violence.

That gave me an opening to ask what I’ve wanted to ask her for a long time – “Are you worried that the Ampatuans would get back at you?”

She said – “Um, as I said I try to do what is right, I do my duty, I do my best and then leave everything to God. I’d rather not share my feelings. (LAUGHTER)

She also refused to say why she pardoned her predecessor Joseph Estrada after being convicted of plunder.

A personal question. All throughout the meal, I had noticed that her hair was luminous and thick and BLACK though she was turning 63 this April. And so I asked permission to ask her a personal question.

“No,” she said, which elicited a roar of laughter.

But another FOCAP member eggd me on to ask it anyway and so I said, “Do you dye your hair.”

She said, “Ya, and I regret answering it.”

Talking afterward to Jim, who was seated beside her, it seems now that Jim had asked her almost at the same time, “Do you remember what she asked of you (before)?

And Mrs Arroyo said, “Ya. And I regret answering it.”

Sweetly, Jim defended me and told her, “But Raissa is is a very impressive journalist.”

Jim’s remark amuses me no end, because after had I asked that “sex” question I was lambasted by a lot of politicians and media men.

Now, as to whether Mrs Arroyo dyes her hair, I’m now confused whether her answer – “Ya. And I regret answering it” – was a reply to Jim or to me.

The laughter generated by my question was good, I think. It was like a Christmas Day truce between US and Japanese soldiers in my father’s favorite Frank Sinatra movie, “None but the Brave.”

About joy rides to Subic. The conversations and the meal ended with Gaby pitching for the government to keep the route to Subic billboard-free:

I like taking joy rides to Subic. I brag about it to my friends abroad. This is one of the jewels of our infrastructure. But what we are afraid of, the beauty of it might be marred by some businessman who might want to put up billboards along the highway. In fact I’ve seen already one billboard frame in Floridablanca. It’s a beautiful ride…”

“Well, that’s a democracy,” Mrs Arroyo replied then softened and said, “We can study, we have to check with the lawyer.”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Gaby persisted.

“Yes, yes,” President Arroyo said.

Gaby would not yet let it go – “I take pride in showing especially, I take pride when they say – you know, Gabby, when I’m traveling here it’s as if I’m not in the Philippines.”

I knew where Gaby was coming from and I found his mention of joy rides especially poignant. You see, he had lost his wife, the love of his life. And for him to be taking joy rides was an affirmation of their lives together,  I felt.

“I hope not politicians’ billboards, “Manny chimed in.

Which made Mrs Arroyo wonder aloud whether there were Commission on Election rules on giant political billboards along highways.

On that note, the dinner came to an end and Mrs Arroyo very patiently autographed 22 name cards and menu cards, posed for pictures with us and  left.

Dana Batnag noticed that when Mrs Arroyo first came in to greet us she looked bright, cheery and chirpy. But as the night wore on, her facial features began to sag and she looked tired.

It must be very hard to be President, to meet with so many you don’t really want to meet.

I still don’t know exactly why we were suddenly invited. But I’m glad we were.

Afterward, I asked colleagues whether their coverage of her would change because of it. Three of them told me it would not because a journalist’s responsibility was first and foremost to the reading public.

And what about the unsolved extra-judicial killings that President Arroyo has yet to be accountable for,  one of them said.

When my husband asked me if the way I write about her would change because of the dinner, I paused and he said that was my telling answer.

I think, perhaps I would see her more as a human being but I would balance that with the painful knowledge of what she has done to deform democratic institutions in order to survive.

Her newly-departed spokesman Cerge Remonde, whom we privately called at home the “Cerginator” and the “Remondinator” because of his creative explanations for Mrs Arroyo’s actions, said last year that history would be kinder to her.

When I think of Mrs Arroyo and what had happened to Remonde, I’m reminded of Macbeth’s lament upon hearing of his wife’s death -

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.”

Here, by the way, is the list of the surprised dinner guests:

1. Jim Gomez – Associated Press
2. Naoko Nishiumi – NHK
3. Girlie Linao – DPA
4. Oliver Teves – Associated Press
5. Dana Batnag – Jiji Press
6. Manny Mogato – Thomson Reuters
7. Alex Lu – Wen Hui Daily
8. Gaby Tabunar – FOCAP Executive Director, ex-CBS News correspondent
9. Karl Malakunas – Associated Press
10. Joel Guinto – Bloomberg
11. Toshihiro Tonichi – Nikkei
12. Virgilio Galvez – Daily Manila Shimbun
13. Christine Ong – Channel News Asia
14. Sebastien Farcis – French Radio
15. Ken Matsui – Asahi Shimbun
16. Shuichi Inagaki – Yomiuri Shimbun
17. Roel Landingin – Financial Times
18. Raissa Robles – South China Morning Post
19. Ellen Cruz – Tokyo Shimbun
20. Zhao Jiemin – Xinhua News Agency
21. Hidenori Tajima – Kyodo News
22. Junichi Yano – Mainichi Shimbun
23. Aileen Intia – NHK

If you want to know what the presidential palace said about the dinner, click on this.

If you’re wondering how I got the photos I found a way to snap them.